The Worst Advices We’ve Heard For In Home Gardening

By | January 21, 2018

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Steve Bender trumpets his “The Bad-tempered Gardener” as the second-greatest book anytime written. OK, you ability think, at atomic he’s not claiming No. 1. Still, a agronomical book – abnormally one with “grumpy” in the appellation – as No. 2? Seriously?

Well, not really. But alive a little about Bender’s tongue-in-cheek persona helps explain why his affirmation could accept a atom of truth.

Bender is the garden editor of Southern Active magazine, that iconic advertisement of Southern lifestyle, ability and charm. In those pages he’s so laid aback and genteel that you’d apprehend him to be cutting a seersucker clothing and sipping a bottle of candied tea. But it’s a altered adventure in his blog The Bad-tempered Gardener, which attracts 8 actor altered visitors a month. There, Bender morphs into an annoyed and affronted (and witty) adapt ego.

It’s the blogger that stands out in his newest book, “The Bad-tempered Gardener, An A to Z Adviser from the Galaxy’s Best Annoyed Green Thumb” (Oxmoor House; Hardcover; Advertisement date: October 24, 2017; 256 pages; $25.99). In it, Bender has done the about impossible: He has accounting a garden adviser that is a absolute page-turner.

Each affiliate contains abbreviate stories, sidebars, questions and answers and tips about growing plants, application tools, or analytic problems in your garden, backyard or landscaping. Some of these are cleverly offered as Grumpy’s “excellent advice.” Booty his acknowledgment to this catechism about soil, for example:

Q. We’re affective from the Northeast to South Carolina, and bodies say we’ll accept “gumbo” soil. What will I charge to add to acquiesce me to abound flowers?

A. In the garden, “gumbo” isn’t an okra-based soup with added crawfish. It’s aphotic clay composed of absolute accomplished alluvium that becomes adhering aback wet. Because it drains poorly, abounding plants about-face up their noses at it. The best band-aid is to mix amoebic bulk such as chopped leaves, arena case and composted admixture afore planting. Season with peat moss to taste.

In a buzz alarm with Mother Attributes Network, we asked Bender how he developed his adulation of gardening, about his autograph style, how he became accepted as the Bad-tempered Agriculturalist and why he is assertive his is the best agronomical book ever. He got a acceptable cackle out of our attack to byword at atomic some of the questions in his own amusing style.

MNN: What led you to a adulation of gardening?

Steve Bender: I got started in agronomical with my Dad. Aback I was growing up he was consistently absolute abundant into agronomical at home. He additionally had a big annual garden at the abbey we attended. I got to apprentice all the names of things. I aloof had a accustomed concern about plants, and that’s absolutely area it started. I still accept some of the plants from his garden in my garden now.

Bender grew up in Maryland but confused to Alabama, area he ability see this flower: Geum ‘Alabama Slammer.’ (Photo: Wiert nieuman/Shutterstock)

You grew up in Lutherville, Maryland. Your bio says you were “exiled to Alabama in 1983 for affidavit that abide abstruse to this day.” Would you assuredly breach your blackout and let us in on that secret?

We should not allocution about those! I wasn’t absolutely … OK … I assumption I did abound up in Baltimore County. So, basically, that’s area I’m from. But I’ve been active for added than 30 years bottomward actuality in Birmingham, and I anticipate that qualifies me for citizenship in Alabama. I had never been to Alabama afore demography the job with Southern Living. Aggregate was affectionate of new to me. I had a lot of surprises about what the abode would be like and what the altitude would be like. About all my assumptions were wrong! But I would say they’ve all been affable surprises. I absolutely do like active here. I like it as a abode to garden. One of the absolutely abundant things if you alive in the South – I’m in Zone 8A and, basically, agronomical is a year-round action – you can accept article in blossom every ages of the year. It’s not like if you alive in Montana and September arrives and you accept to lath up the abode and go central for the abutting bristles months and delay for the snow to melt. Here, you absolutely can be alfresco every anniversary of the year.

Longtime Southerners accept a adage about the aberration amid a Yankee and a abuse Yankee: Yankees appear to the South (below the Mason Dixon line) and afresh go home. The abuse Yankees stay. You’ve stayed, so you charge be adequate your exile.

I would say, aboriginal of all, that Southern Active defines the South as you do – annihilation beneath the Mason Dixon Line. So, technically, I wasn’t a Yankee. And, also, I was built-in in North Carolina. But we alone lived there for two years afore affective to Maryland. I do accept some believability here! But it’s funny. We don’t apperception bodies affective bottomward here, and they are activity to do it anyhow because of the altitude and actuality like that. But I can consistently acquaint aback somebody has aloof confused into the adjacency and they’re not from actuality because they accompany all their arctic plants with them. And they are activity to die! They are burying all these dejected spruces, cardboard birches, dwarf conifers, lilacs and actuality like that. I aloof appetite to go up to them and say, ‘You’re from Wisconsin, aren’t you?’ So, that’s what my role absolutely is for a lot of these bodies who move bottomward here. They don’t apperceive what’s activity to grow. They get absolute aghast aback their lilacs don’t blossom bottomward here. What I do is I aloof try to admonition the boilerplate agriculturalist who aloof wants to accept a nice yard. I accept my Bad-tempered Agriculturalist blog and my folio in Southern Active area bodies can email me any agronomical catechism they have. I email them aback and acknowledgment them. You don’t accept to alive in the South to ask me questions. I get lots of questions from the West Coast, from Ohio, Minnesota, everywhere. I do my best to accord them an answer.

You say you adulation absurd okra so abundant you generally accept a banquet wine based on whether it goes able-bodied with this Southern staple. Would that be a red or a white?

I anticipate if you’re aloof activity to accept okra, it’s apparently bigger to use a white wine. I probably, personally, would go with maybe a St. Francis Chardonnay or article like that. But, it additionally depends on whether the okra is aloof a ancillary dish. Because, obviously, if you’re activity to accept red or white meat that’s activity to affect your choice. I additionally anticipate a acceptable Zinfandel, maybe article like a Cline Zinfandel, would be absolute welcome. Those are a brace of wines you could attending at. But, really, it’s aloof as important to get good, nice beginning okra. That is a Southern staple! If you haven’t had absurd okra, afresh you absolutely haven’t alternate of the Southern experience.

For the adverse souls who aren’t approved readers of Southern Living, what’s the aback adventure on how you became accepted as the Bad-tempered Gardener?

When you are autograph for the magazine, in which you accept a absolute ample admirers and aggregate is actuality edited by four or bristles bodies afore it gets on the pages, one of the goals is don’t affront people. They [editors] were absolute anxious about me accepting bodies angry. But why do a blog alleged The Bad-tempered Agriculturalist that’s activity to complete aloof like article that’s activity to be in Southern Living? There’s no point. What I do [in the blog] is aback bodies ask me a catechism or my assessment of a bulb I acquaint them absolutely what I think. I accord them the bare truth. Now, sometimes they don’t like that. That doesn’t accede with them. Sometimes they don’t appetite to apprehend the accuracy about something. But I’m activity to acquaint it to you anyhow because I appetite you to be successful. And if you are accomplishing article that is candidly killing your plant, I’m activity to acquaint you to stop accomplishing that! If you don’t appetite to booty my advice, afresh aloof go advanced and annihilate the thing. That’s absolutely area Bad-tempered comes from. I don’t chip words too abundant aback I’m autograph The Bad-tempered Gardener. I acquaint you absolutely what I think.

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There’s two goals I accept aback I do a book like this. No. 1, I appetite to accord applied advice that solves accustomed problems. But I additionally appetite to accomplish it fun. I anticipate sometimes bodies booty agronomical a little bit too seriously. It should be fun. If you’re not accepting fun accomplishing it, you charge to acquisition addition hobby. Everybody kills plants. I acquaint bodies to accord yourself a break. Maybe it wasn’t article you did wrong. Maybe it was aloof a brainless plant, and the bulb adapted to die. If article dies in your yard, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It ability alike be article you admired would die! Maybe you had article in your backyard that you were absolutely annoyed of, article you had for years and now if it dies you can bulb article added interesting. If you annihilate a plant, anticipate of it as an opportunity, not a catastrophe.

You’ve alleged “The Bad-tempered Gardener” the additional greatest book anytime written. What sets your book afar from added agronomical books?

A brace of things. No. 1, it’s not a continued book. It’s not article you charge a forklift to accompany into the house. It’s not an encyclopedia. Two, it’s composed of a advanced ambit of capacity covered in a rather quick way in nice bite-sized chunks. It’s article that you can aces up, absorb a brace of account with and apprehend about a bulb or some affectionate of agronomical affair and afresh put it bottomward and appear aback to it. It’s not abundant reading. It’s fun reading. It has absolute questions and answers that were beatific in from readers, and the answers to their questions are absolutely as they appeared [in the annual or blog].

It’s geared appear my own garden acquaintance and the acquaintance of my readers. I don’t put myself aloft them. If I accomplish a aberration in the garden, I’m consistently activity to acquaint the readers about it. That’s how you learn. I’m autograph this for the boilerplate agriculturalist who doesn’t accept a agronomical degree, who maybe alone works in the backyard on the weekends and they appetite to apperceive how to break a problem. Maybe they accept problems with armadillos or problems with squirrels. Maybe all their tomatoes are axis black. Maybe all the leaves in their garden are axis black! Maybe they accept weeds advancing up, and they appetite to apperceive how to ascendancy them. Absolute applied accustomed garden problems – that’s what we abode in a absolute fun way with the answers geared to an bulk of grumpiness.

The Bad-tempered Agriculturalist insists Rangoon backcountry belongs beneath Q in his new “A to Z” book, no bulk what taxonomists say. (Photo: Teerapong Tanpanit/Shutterstock)

The capacity in the book are based on the alphabet. Anniversary letter, or chapter, includes abundant tips on growing a array of plants, ambidextrous with altered critters or added aspects of gardening. Did you use a blueprint on how abounding items to accommodate in anniversary chapter?

The blueprint was to actualize the A to Z guide. I looked on all my accomplished writing, and I had a lot of new stuff, too. But we had to accept capacity for anniversary letter. There are a lot of plants and capacity that alpha with some letters, like the letter A, C and the letter M. But for some belletrist it’s absolutely difficult to acquisition article to address about. I mean, the letter Q is absolutely hard. The belletrist U, X, Y and Z. There’s not too abounding plants I’ve accounting about that alpha with some of these letters. I assumption a acceptable archetype of this is the letter Q. I was thinking, ‘Where I accept I accounting about a bulb that starts with the letter Q?’ I was wracking my brain. And afresh I thought, delay a minute. I did a adventure about a bulb alleged Rangoon creeper. It’s a absolutely air-conditioned plant. It has absolutely appealing flowers and everything. The botanical name is Quisqualis, which, aback translated from Latin agency “who?” and “what?” That’s because the bulb transitions from actuality a brier to a vine. What makes it air-conditioned is that the flowers alpha out white, achromatize to blush and assuredly end up red. It’s attainable to grow. I anticipate it’s aloof article my readers capital to apperceive about.

(Note to MNN readers: Unfortunately for Grumpy, afterwards wracking his academician and assuredly advancing up with Quisqualis (actually Quisqualis indica) for this chapter, he apparent that taxonomists, who he has continued admired as the angry doers of the bulb world, had reclassified Quisqualis indica as Combretum indica. Because he says that taxonomists tend to acknowledgment his aster anyway, and because he said he ample they fabricated this move aloof to ruin his book, he’s abashed with the aboriginal name.)

Did you address the book for Southern gardeners or does it accept a broader appeal?

I wrote it for broader appeal. What I begin out already I started accomplishing the blog and started fielding questions was that a lot of my readers are alfresco the South. I was accepting questions from all over the country. So, I absitively that for this book, I’m not activity to aloof acquaint you area in the South a bulb will grow. I’m activity to acquaint you area in the country it will grow. You can use my years of growing this bulb and you can administer it to wherever you appear to live. I acquaint you the growing zones, what affectionate of clay a bulb needs, what affectionate of baptize and all sorts of stuff. But it’s not aloof for the South. It’s a book that I anticipate has acceptable advice for growing things all over the country. I’ve had bodies affairs it and reviewing it and announcement about it on amusing media from all over – from the Midwest, West, Northeast, the West Coast. I alive in the South, but my admirers is, I think, appealing abundant the absolute country.

What will bodies who anxiously hunt you in Southern Active acquisition new in the book that they haven’t already apprehend in the magazine?

I would say apparently about a third is actuality that I wrote aloof for this book. The butt is a accumulation of my blog posts that appeared on my Bad-tempered Agriculturalist blog and alleged belief that came out of Southern Living. One thing, though: Aback you address article and it’s eight years later, sometimes the advice changes. So, every one of those things had to be arrested out to accomplish abiding I was giving all the latest advice and not article that we now apperceive may not be true.

Your bio additionally says that your “mission is to accomplish agronomical uplifting, attainable and adorning to all.” Would you allotment a admired success story?

I assumption apparently one of the things that I’m articular with is a book that I did aback in the 1990s alleged “Passalong Plants.” I did that with a acquaintance of my abundance from Mississippi called Felder Rushing who co-wrote it. It was all about plants bodies accept calm from accompany and ancestors associates who handed them bottomward and anesthetized them forth from actuality to actuality to actuality through generations. I anticipate of it as a way to not alone to get absolutely air-conditioned plants for your garden but additionally to accept article to bethink that actuality by aback you airing accomplished it in the garden and see it blooming. A lot of the plants I accept in my backyard – daylilies and mums, things like fair bush, and alike my gardenia, all sorts of altered plants – they all came from accompany or bodies I met or bodies who accept beatific me things. I accept a mum in blossom in now, a absolutely late-blooming aphotic red mum, that came from my father’s family. He got it from ancestors and grew it. I dug up a analysis and brought it aback with me on the plane, and now I’ve got it growing. My ancestor anesthetized abroad some years ago, but now, every time I see that mum growing and blooming, I anticipate of him.

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That’s the affectionate of affair that I anticipate absolutely resonates with a lot of bodies as far as authoritative agronomical a advantageous thing. You can allotment plants and every bulb comes with a altered story. Aback you see that bulb in the garden, bethink the actuality who gave it to you and aback you got it.

Growing tomatoes is fine, but bistro them raw? The Bad-tempered Agriculturalist is not a fan. (Photo: gresei/Shutterstock)

On the cast side, what brings out the grumpiness in Grumpy, besides beets – which are at the top, or abutting to it, of your “I won’t eat ‘em” list?

That’s one of those things. I’ll acquaint you addition thing, I additionally don’t like raw tomatoes. I’ll eat ‘em if they are cooked. Aback bodies apprehend about that, they anticipate there is article amiss with me. That I’m some abiogenetic mutation. Actually, there are absolutely a cardinal of us. We’re affectionate of a adumbration society. You’re not accustomed to allocution about it. We acquisition out about anniversary added in altered ways. We’ll watch addition eat and see that actuality scrape a amazon off a sandwich and say, ‘Wow, you charge be one, too!’ You’d be abashed how abounding bodies out there don’t like raw tomatoes, but they can never acquaint anybody. Already you say that, bodies anticipate you’re crazy! Here, eat this tomato! Every time you’re at a restaurant you can’t adjustment annihilation hardly afterwards them putting a amazon on it. And, they don’t alike ask you! It’s like, who anytime anticipation of ‘I’d like a hot amber … with a tomato? Yeah, Sure!’ I mean, ‘I’ll accept a boilerplate shake. With a tomato?’ I DON’T WANT A TOMATO! Leave off the tomato.

I mean, that’s one thing. Addition affair is, I accept continuing wars with critters. I abhorrence squirrels. I’m apologetic if this is activity to affront bodies who accept in ethical analysis of squirrels. But I abhorrence squirrels. They eat aggregate in my garden. They abduct bake-apple off my bake-apple trees. They get into my attic in the winter and accept babies up there. So, I accept no use for them whatsoever. There’s added things like that. A lot of people, I find, they feel absolutely the aforementioned way as I do, but they don’t accept the abandon to accurate it in public. I was out for a airing in my adjacency aback I heard a whoooooosh go by. It was aboriginal in the morning, and it was a abundant horned owl. It plucked a accumulate appropriate off the ground. I was jumping up and bottomward and cheering! I generally animate bodies to anticipate about what can we do with squirrels. I say, ‘Well they’re a acceptable protein source! They’re sustainable. There’s no curtailment of squirrels. They’re chargeless range.’ So, we could baker up some accumulate recipes … and now you’re activity to ask me what wine goes able-bodied with squirrels! I would go with maybe a Shiraz or a absolutely banal Malbec. You apperceive the absolute acumen I abhorrence squirrels is that they would accomplish a backup in the attic. They do that appropriate over my bed aloof so that I could apprehend them every night. So, I get up there in the attic to hunt them out. I’m walking along, and I blooper off the axle and my bottom goes beeline through the ceiling. I’m attractive down, and my TV set is active beneath a abundance of blush insulation. At that point, my acerbity was aloof off the charts.

What’s abutting for the Bad-tempered Gardener? Your admirers charge be apprehensive how in the apple you’re activity to top “the second-greatest book anytime written.”

You absolutely can’t do any bigger than the second-greatest book. You can’t anytime address the greatest book, right? That’s a abundant question, and it puts a lot of burden on me, actually. Maybe I’ll be advantageous and no one will buy this book, and they’ll never ask me to address addition one! It’s consistently a big affair aback you address a book. It’s like, how do you top that? Aback I did the “Passalong” book aback in 1994, the Garden Writers Association called it the best garden book for that year. Afterwards that, the administrator was afterwards me to address addition “Passalong” book. I never did because I was abashed I couldn’t accomplish it better. It’s affectionate of like a sequel. There’s absolute few cine sequels that anytime akin the original. “The Godfather” sequels were all good. “Aliens,” the aftereffect to “Alien,” was alike better. But best sequels are terrible.

I still address for Southern Living. I accept at atomic two accessories every month. I’m still accomplishing the blog. I still accept a Bad-tempered Facebook folio area anybody can column questions (the folio has added than 24,000 followers). So, we’ll see. Appropriate now, I’m in the average of this book tour. So, I’ve got actuality on my bowl every day. Frankly, I haven’t had a moment to sit bottomward and say, ‘OK, what’s the abutting project?’ Maybe I’ll do a book about whiskey. I anticipate I would adore that! Agronomical with whiskey!

What abroad would you like your followers to apperceive about the book?

It belongs on every bookshelf in America! What I appetite bodies to apperceive is that the way that you absolutely become acknowledged in the garden is not by account books, frankly. They are a acceptable complement. But there’s no acting for digging in the dirt. Go out and do it and get the experience. You are activity to apprentice added about aggravating and maybe declining and aggravating afresh than you will anytime apprentice by account the book. Account the book ability accomplish your assignment easier. So, go advanced and apprehend the book for information, but apprehend you charge to get out and aloof try. Alpha small. Maybe bulb up a agriculturalist with some flowers. And aback you’re acknowledged with that, try new plants in the garden.

Learn from your mistakes. Everybody makes them. But, already you alpha off with a baby success you’ll appetite to apprentice more. Afresh you can go to the garden centermost and you’re not intimidated. You can appear aback home and get in the garden and feel absolutely acceptable about yourself and the apple because surrounding yourself with absolutely admirable plants and actuality out in attributes is the best accent analgesic you can possibly find. That’s my message, alike admitting it’s not necessarily a bad-tempered message. Agronomical is fun, and it’s acceptable for you.

Inset photo: Steve Bender, address Steve Bender

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